Friends & Conflict - A Reflection

Friendships are an amazing thing when they work. No one can tell you how or why you choose your friends, but they come into your life for a reason.

Working thru any design process is rough. It is even more compounded when the people you are designing with are a few of your closest friends. Differences in viewpoint, opinion and forethought can cause a multitude of issues. Within the past year and a half, I have come to know how much stress friendships can weather.

Since the beginning of a project that will remain nameless, Exile & I have been working in our free time trying to design a web application. We are now in our second design phase since we've managed to complete the first iteration of the project life cycle with blackjack. Anyway, we are now engulfed in our second round of design debates & decisions regarding the transition from blackjack to hearts.

Design work is tedious. There are many details (large and small) that need to be ironed out. I just with the ironing process was not so difficult. There are many reasons why ironing is difficult. There are those, like me, that will hold on to a notion until the issues and justifications that it will not work are beyond a shadow of a doubt. I don't know why I'm this way, but I am, and I am striving to make progress forward to attempt to investigate the alternatives further before denouncing them. I guess I feel that I want to contribute more during the project in more than just getting the implementation working for the design. I know that I'm as much of a contributer to this project as the rest of us involved, but the majority of the major components seem to originate from a single source. Although, the designs are sound and do work where my designs or suggestions are certainly lacking. Anyway, enough about me. That is not what I was intending on discussing here.

The other personality at play here is one that has consistently generated superior designs that have been exhaustively examined, manipulated, and reorganized until they are a polished & completed idea from start to finish. Therefore, when presenting these ideas, the ability to be confident without a doubt that the design plan is superior is easy to maintain. However, the lacking area is the conveyance of the message.

There have been many times where one of two things happen. Either we both have the same idea, we debate the topic for an hour just to realize we're both saying the same thing. These are frustrating when they happen, however, resolve themselves and permit progression to other topics. However, the alternative isn't so innocent at times. We've had a couple of issues that have caused some serious conflict. This usually occurs when we have to distinctly differing opinions as to how something should function and why. We debate back & forth rehashing many of the same points for both sides and yet, somehow, a couple key points for one side of the proposal are not conveyed well. These usually end when I have an epiphany regarding what was said and what it meant. Unfortunately, reaching the epiphany usually takes a couple of days from the time the conversation took place. During this time a great sense of frustration begins to emanate from each of us. Although, once this roadblock, whatever it might be, is hurdled, the frustration ceases, the project moves on, and is then later forgotten. The way it should be.

I can't remember before this project when either of us have had these major problems. I am starting to think that the lack of visual communication is making these conversations so painful. We've historically have had some medium of drawing available. Whether it is a notebook and pencil, whiteboard, or a Kings napkin & a crayon. Regardless, the visualization of the advanced concepts that we've been needing to discuss seem to require more than words and other text based communication.

Anyway, I've deviated once again. Now that I've got all of the background out of the way, the message I was trying to get to is that regardless of how many times we've hit this wall or bicker back & forth on our project related issues, our friendship has weathered it all. I have found it to be interesting that even during these times that we can drop any project talk, talk personally and it's like nothing has ever happened. It is almost like a well established separation of work & personal life with co-workers.

Exile and I have weathered our share of these situations and our friendship couldn't be better. With the number of years that we've been friends, I would certainly hope that a hobby project (regardless of our shared excitement and intimacy with it) would not be enough to destroy what we've got as friends. I can't promise that the aforementioned situations will not happen again, nor can I say that I will be able to prevent them all. However, what I am sure of is that the relationship that we share shall again weather those.

Exile, thank you.




A quick lesson in communications for the masses; the process of communication takes place in 5 distinct phases.

• Idea Formation
• Encoding
• Conveyance
• Decoding
• Interpretation

When trying to get the exact idea across, phase 2 & 3 have just as much bearing on how phases 4 & 5 are completed. Regardless of the intention of the message, if 4 & 5 are wrong due, or not, to phase 2 & 3, the communication attempt fails. Remember, the road to hell was paved with the best of intentions. It has become quite apparent to me that when I'm phase 4 & 5 in these scenarios, I'm not getting the idea clearly. Therefore, I will attempt in the future to accept the message I've been provided and search for the meaning within to ease this process. Although, it very well may add time into the equation, but I'd rather take more time than to risk damage or loss of this friendship.